Everyone has tough days....and sometimes we take those days out on the ones we love most and the ones we are closest to - our family. Well, the boys have been cooped up in the house a bunch lately because it has been so cold outside. And they have probably been getting less of my attention as well with all we have going on lately. It is starting to show....even with Christmas quickly approaching AND our Elf in place watching them....they have been fighting more and just not on their best behavior...and I can't seem to locate my patience lately (maybe it is wrapped and under the tree!?)
Tonight was particularly trying for all of us. It is near the end of the week and near the end of school (tomorrow is the last day before a long break!)...and we are all tired and ready for the weekend. On top of that, I, as HOA president, had to go check out a reported leak in our pool pump room this afternoon....and so the boys had to go with me....though I had them watch a movie in the car. It was cold and wet and the whole thing took about an hour to get to the bottom of and get the water off at the meter...a cold, wet, dirty hour. Then we came home and had to get dinner made and eaten....and no one wanted what I made for dinner...and then they were fighting over Ethan's new Lego Star Wars book that he JUST GOT for Hanukkah...it is a VERY nice (i.e., expensive) book that we thought he was old enough to handle....well, a page ripped. And I really wanted to impress upon both boys that it just isn't worth fighting over a book and that once a page rips that it is just done and can only be taped (which they weren't thrilled with how that looks)....anyway....I called the book stupid (which is a word we don't normally like in our house - it was our first 'bad word' that we learned from a Disney movie when we were a toddler.....and that lesson has really stuck...specifically, I said, "is it really worth fighting over a stupid book"....my bad! I shoud not have said that...so, it isn't so bad or the end of the world (I actually heard a jerk guy cussing at his wife/woman/girlfriend the other day in a parking lot...and she was carrying a 3 or 4 year old child at the time who was getting an earful and it was pathetic - so no, it wasn't on that level, but I felt bad once I said it and Ethan got his feelings hurt on behalf of his book)
On top of that, I told Ethan that I expected better from him. Generally, that is a decent phrase....especially at his age where he needs to take responsibility for his actions more. Well, we get upstairs and start to put on our jammies for bed, and he said, "Mommy, I need to talk to you about something. People always say the expect more/better from me, but I don't understand that. It's like they want me to be perfect or something that I am not - why can't I just be myself and that be enough for everyone". WOW - he said all this while holding back his tears and with a voice full or genuine perplexity and emotion. I tried the best I could to explain that the reason people say that and what they mean by it is that he is such a good, smart, intelligent boy almost all the time that on the few times that he isn't his normal self, that people have grown to expect that level from him, that they know he can do/be better so they expect that from him and they want him to expect that from himself. But, that I do understand that he isn't perfect and he makes mistakes and that just being himself and the best version of himself that he can be at any given time will ALWAYS be enough! And I apologized profusely for the stupid word....and told him that he (and I) should expect better from me, but that I am not perfect either and I make mistakes, and that was my mistake.
I really hope we handled that ok....I told him we could talk about it more another time if he wanted, but we were all very tired and needed to get our rest....and that things are tougher to handle when it is late and we are tired. He seemed ok...but wow!
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