Please Make It Stop

We got a tiny bit of good news this morning at the ENT. She didn't see any tumors on the voice box or vocal cords, but the nerve on the left is being compressed by the tumor and keeping mom from being able to speak and can possibly cause choking issues although she isn't having any yet. There is an outpatient procedure they can do as a short-term fix for that, so we will schedule that soon, but we have to coordinate it with other treatments she may be doing, so not sure when. Mom will be thrilled to have her voice back (and I will be thrilled to hear her voice again - I miss it so much!)

Then mom had her MRI and scan this afternoon. It was rough because she was tired and couldn't eat or drink before - except for a liter of thick barium...then more at the test and had to be injected. She was wiped out and hungry/thirsty by the time we were done...she didn't get back home until about 5:30pm...and then she got very sick from the barium and vomited alot back up - poor Rube...

Then the worst happened....still takes my breath away to write about it...feel like someone punched me hard in the gut. Late tonight (around 7:30pm) and oncologist from my mom's practice calls - had reviewed the MRI already and had the news that there are 8-10 tumors in her brain. He was shocked that mom wasn't having any symptoms from them...but she can't drive now because of risk of seizure. It also means the cancer has spread outside the chest cavity which impacts treatment options. They feel it is critical to start treatment right away. So, I spoke with her radiation oncologist at Northside tonight, and we are seeing her first thing in the morning. David is flying home on the first flight in. Amanda was, thankfully, home and available to come over...she helped with the boys and helped me make some calls for arrangements for tomorrow...and really just listened and was 'there' which was so what I needed. It was all I could do to not hop in my car and go over to Rube's house...but what could I do there? And who would be here with the boys? My brain and my heart are having a hard time working all this out.

Dad is ok...had a test today where they did the camera down the throat - found at least one bleeding ulcer and cauterized it. He got another pint of blood today and is doing better....they feel he is stabilized now. He will likely be released tomorrow if his am blood draw is clear...that's all good news.

Still, a rough day for our family....we really need the dial up on the prayers. I don't know what to do...but in a way am relieved that we can start treatment of some sort within a day or so.

Oh, the treatment mom will get for the brain tumors will mean that she has to wait on any other treatments...it is 3 weeks long and 5 days a week but very quick and painless (5 minutes or so)...not sure on what, if any side effects there may be....I know we will get more info tomorrow.

Mom is taking it amazing well....not sure where she gets all her strength - that's not true - her mom, my grandma is the same way....amazing women - just wish there had been enough left for me to get some :) Her doctor called her first with the news then me to work out logistics/timing...I called her when I was done and all she said, was 'that's not good news huh'...very nonchalantly....like we were talking about our plans being rained out or something. I just hate she is alone tonight with dad in hospital - but she was tired and will sleep well hopefully. I do love her so much!!! If anyone can kick Cancer's butt, she can!

Forgot to tell you all about dad, they weighed him yesterday at his dr apt and he has lost nearly 30lbs in a month. I am going to ask his dr if that was related to the stomach issues because that isn't normal...it is rather scary. Mom is losing weight too...she has no appetite, but maybe some treatment will help with that???

I feel a little like a beginer tennis player with balls flying at me from the auto serve machine...and I am trying to hit them all AND find the off switch....if anyone has any help to offer on the off switch - by all means!